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Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Sperm Research and Camping Survival Tips

Yesterday's post was all death and cold hands and deary imagery over here at the "fun blog for empty nesters". Imagine my excitement when one of my favorite bloggers, Captain Dumbass, decided to visit for the first (and probably last time) and even gave me a helpful hint to make me feel better. Lesson learned: try to keep your posts focused on what you know best or fits your theme and your brand. Which brings me to the topic of the temperature of sperm.

Does every man have warm to hot sperm once it has ejaculated? Is it hottest when you are younger or the other way around? What exactly is the range of temperature and has this ever been researched? A scientific mind like mine wants.......needs to know.

I have always thought that it would be important to have at least one guy attend every camping trip held during the colder months of the year. The warmth could keep you from getting frostbite, not to mention the calorie supplement that could also be provided.

What kind of doctor are you if your primary focus of study is on sperm and sperm heat? I was married for ten years to a doctor and I cannot believe that this question never was discussed.

I bet you'd be invited to a lot of cocktail parties if you had a career in sperm research. The hostess would giggle a little when she asked you to "please come". And I bet that animal testing would be out-of-the-question because you'd have a slew of male volunteers and you wouldn't have to offer them a stipend to participate.

Naturally. all things sperm-related are discussed in the blog underworld. The Bloggess has posted on the topic many times and is somewhat of an expert, I believe. But I haven't read anything to date about why it comes out so warm.

Of course, now that I think about it, I am glad it's warm because wouldn't that feel awful if at the end of some fantastic sexual encounter your partner pulls his special part out and lands a blob of what's equivalent to a melting ice cube right on your stomach! That could really wreck the mood. Cool you right down..........Which might be nice if you're stranded on a desert or live in Arizona. And maybe my "research" has not been extensive enough and there are men out there that produce cool to cold sperm.

There are so many unanswered questions, and so little time. Oh wait, that's right. An empty nester like me has lots of time to ponder life's probing questions. Maybe you can provide me with the facts of your own research and I can add it to my data.

(Should be an interesting time before the college kids come home for the holidays and winter break, don't you think).

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Blogger Casey said...

I've never come across cold splooge in all my years. Man, that made me sound slutty.

December 11, 2008 at 3:50 AM  
Blogger Jenny, the Bloggess said...

Why would it land on your stomach? You need to get an IUD. Less mess to clean up later and your belly button stays clean.

December 11, 2008 at 9:25 AM  
Anonymous The PH Factor said...

Seems to me, if the goods aren't delivered at pretty close to 98.6, a guy better see his doctor right away or maybe just be a little more genmerous with the prologue. The idea is to get 2 hearts beating faster which should guarantee heat dispersal. This is also a recommended remedy for "Popsicle Hands".

December 11, 2008 at 12:05 PM  
Blogger beth said...

PH Factor: Like killing two birds with one stone. My hands are cold again today. Where's Bill when I need him?!

December 11, 2008 at 12:50 PM  
Anonymous Nicole Bandes, The Card Eagle said...

Now that's the kind of post I'd expect from an empty nester! Of course, I'd think cooler would be better for the menopausal women as well as those living in AZ!

December 11, 2008 at 1:36 PM  
Blogger Captain Dumbass said...

Oh you can't get rid of me that easily. Sperm shouldn't feel all that hot when it comes out since it's supposed to be slightly cooler than body temperature. This is why the testicles are on the outside. It is also the reason for "shrinkage." If it gets too cold they pull themselves, and everything else, closer to the body to keep warm. Wifey and I had some fertilization issues with baby number one so I know a lot about sperm.

Oh, and I believe its a urologist who studies this.

December 11, 2008 at 6:19 PM  
Blogger Keeper of the Skies Wife said...

Oh my gosh! That was hilarious!!! Great post!

December 12, 2008 at 7:30 AM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

Well thank goodness Captain Dumbass cleared that up for everyone while giving such a vivid visual. :)

December 12, 2008 at 9:21 AM  
Blogger said...

Wow! What can I say? You have brought up some very important questions. That leaves us wondering....

December 12, 2008 at 10:57 AM  

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