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Monday, November 24, 2008

Single Blog Stalking Continues and Grocery Store Mayhem

I do not have my post ready from the single blog I am currently stalking. This particular person has been blogging for a long time so there's a lot of material to read. Plus, the comments she receives are as interesting as the original post, so I find myself reading all of them as well. I am completely consumed by her writing and her life, though. I should be done before Thanksgiving!

There are still a few moments a day I venture out of my little office and interact with real, live people. And I must say, that the people I ran into at Trader Joe's today were certainly lively!

I never got the memo that at some point in the day, all fresh turkeys would be gone, and possibly the yams and the chicken broth will also be unavailable. Apparently everyone else in the store had gotten the memo and the race was on to capture these final ingredients first. The 4'8" lady with the purple scarf around her neck chose the outside lane and began to make her bold move. She was speaking in tongues and I think she said my past was going to be exposed in a very public way, or something to that effect. I slowed down and let the evil, tiny woman pass me.

Wondering about what poor souls would be feasting with the scarfed woman, I must have stopped to a dead halt, causing a major traffic jam just short of the table with the remaining yams. I was being eyed by the mysterious and dark man to my left. He was holding a page printed from a recipe off the Internet, called 'Mini-Marshmallow Sweet Potato Casserole'. He appeared obviously flustered about something, and I suspect it was due to the fact that Trader Joe's probably doesn't carry mini-marshmallows. He wasn't going home empty-handed that was for sure, so he began to push through my stalled cart using his massive muscles and added adrenaline. "Hey buddy, stop pushing," I say. Maybe he doesn't speak English because he throws me a look that says, step away from the yams or else; so I turn left and face the dried peas and apricots that no one seems interested in.

I begin to wonder aimlessly through the aisles (why are their aisles set on an angle, anyway?) looking for the organic chicken broth. Now, mind you, I'll probably mix this organic broth with other items that are chemically-enhanced but this is what I think I need. Aisle after aisle and I cannot locate the broth anywhere. Or any staff person to ask where they've hidden the chicken broth. Ten minutes past. I begin to sweat. I've run into the same athletic, and very shapely woman several times; each time she sort of flips her thick mane around and gives me that certain smile. It's the "don't worry old woman, you'll find what you are looking for eventually" smile. I grunt back at her and tell her to have a good day! I decide to hell with the broth, I'll get some at a different store. The real reason I came here was a friend of mine who's a personal chef, told me that Trader Joe's has excellent fresh turkeys. So, I head back to the store where a food demonstration is taking place.

It turns out that there is no demonstration, only angry people yelling at one of the granola staffers about running out of the fresh turkeys. Apparently, it is the young staffers' fault that all the turkeys have been bought and that the next shipment doesn't arrive until tomorrow morning. Shame on her. She's really getting it now. One woman asks her, "didn't they know how many people would be coming for their turkeys today?". Another woman and her seventeen children with the runny noses says that she doesn't have time to come back tomorrow. (Probably time to make another baby). I slowly back my cart up and try to remove myself from this ugly encounter. (Why didn't I speak up for this poor little worker bee and make all those mean people feel stupid for acting so childish?)

It's time to check out. I am feeling guilty because once again, I have forgotten to bring my reusable grocery bags. Standing in front of me is Miss Athletic Superstar with the thick hair and Nike sports ensemble. I have the urge to tell her I found the item I was looking for and hold up some item to prove it, but she never turns around.

Warning to all of you who will be grocery shopping in the next couple of days:

Wear elbow pads, if you have them;

Wait to get your nails done until after all shopping is complete;

Don't forget to bring your reusable bags;

and bring your patience and your smiles as you will need them both!

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Blogger Casey said...

Ack, thank god I'm only in charge of one side dish and I've already shopped for supplies. I HATE crowds.

November 24, 2008 at 7:34 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Oh I am LOL!!! My sister shops there all the time and also has similar stories to tell me!!! Funny!

November 24, 2008 at 8:06 PM  
Blogger steenky bee said...

Okay, so how jealous am I that you live close enough to a Trader Joes. I'm telling you if I had one near me I would be there 24/7, or at least from 9 to 9 every day. Happy stalking!

November 24, 2008 at 8:18 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

Now I'm in a panic about going to the store. It will be the same mess here I'm sure though we don't have anything as fun as a Trader Joe's.

On second thought, I'll send my husband.

November 25, 2008 at 6:42 AM  
Blogger June said...

I have to stop commenting - I haven't bought my turkey and stuff yet - I'll have to see what my experience at Trader Joe's will be today. I'll let you know.

November 25, 2008 at 7:55 AM  
Blogger Christine said...

I also prefer a fresh turkey, and found mine at Costco - but be there right when they open, otherwise you will miss out again!

November 25, 2008 at 10:00 AM  
Blogger labrams said...

Based on your descriptions, I think these people are stereo typical, generic Trader Joe shoppers, I swear I've seen them all there on many occasions. You'd better stay home this Friday after Thanksgiving, you are sure to see these same folks shopping at a mall, but juiced up and super charged on steroids...

November 25, 2008 at 2:27 PM  
Anonymous Angella H. said...

Good thing you alreay had Pilates to calm you down before you hit the crowds. It's ugly out there!~

November 25, 2008 at 8:22 PM  
Blogger beth said...

I do love Trader Joe's, just not during the holidays.

November 26, 2008 at 12:03 AM  
Anonymous Shelly H. said...

I love Trader Joe's and bought my turkey last week just to avoid that crazy ordeal. I'm pretty sure you just told my story from last Thanksgiving. A great LOL for late night.

November 26, 2008 at 12:50 AM  
Blogger Rachel Legan said...

You kill me!I'm thinking about reading some of this stuff on the air.You're hilarious,glad you came across my blog so I could find yours:) Rach in Bakersfield,Ca

November 26, 2008 at 10:07 AM  
Blogger beth said...


Why don't you and Dustin come over to Phoenix with your radio show. We've lost some good radio "teams" in the past year. We could use you!

November 26, 2008 at 12:14 PM  
Anonymous Chris Keune said...

We actually got two fresh turkeys for Thanksgiving from TJ's. I think Beth went almost two weeks ago. Your comments are right one about the typical shoppers there. I see alot of Scottsdale mom's with their leopard skin outfits, terry cloth jumpsuits, or camoflogue tank tops. You also need to watch out for the old ladies that think that they are the only ones that are in the store. Don't forget about the booze hounds that get 25 bottles of wine everytime they go. oops, i probably offended someone in that last comment. At least at Traders Joe's you can still walk out of the store with a few dollars in your pocket. I love Whole Foods but my god they are expensive!!! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

November 26, 2008 at 2:04 PM  
Blogger mahoney said...

hehehe time to make more children!!!

December 2, 2008 at 9:47 PM  

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