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Thursday, December 4, 2008

Here's My Holiday Newsletter, Don't You Want to be Me?

Taking the plunge this month and participating in the fun Spin Cycle topic, hosted by Jen at Sprite's Keeper.

The topic: The Holiday Newsletter................

Howdy friends and family, remember me? I know I haven't spoken to some of you since our college days and we have some catching up to do. So, I thought I'd share every waking moment of this very special year with you in my holiday newsletter. Go ahead, fix yourself a nice hot cup of cocoa and settle down into your favorite chair and throw blanket as you won't want to move once you get started.

The Southworth family has been blessed with so many opportunities this year. In January, Bill's company was given back $95 Million dollars worth of home lots from the home builders we land bank for since there was already a glut of homes not selling and they didn't want to add more to the inventory. The banks we had borrowed from could not wait and wanted their money or the lots right away. Immediately, we cut our salary/bonus in half. January will go down in history as the month I 'lost' my shoe fetish and learned about on and off peak times with the electric company. Our golden retriever, Wrigley, now 4 months old, learns how to 'sit' and 'drop' for biscuits.

Cancelled the winter vacation in February and studied the remote control on the TV. After weeks of unsuccessful attempts, the TV was on and I had discovered several hundred channels of shows to watch. Who knew? Wrigley learns how to 'stay' and 'wait' for biscuits.

In March, we stopped getting dividends from our investments in the company and learned that probably most of this money set for our retirement will never be seen. Drove over to Walmart for the first time to check out the ages of their greeters. Wrigley learns not to jump on people who come to the front door to visit, for biscuits.

Our daughter gets accepted into the college of her choice on April 1st and we ponder the joys of having two kids in college next year! Started reading frugal blogs. Wrigley learns how to 'leave it' for biscuits.

May was sex-orgy and new-sexual-position month at the Southworth's as we discovered just how big a turn-on it was to be broke and stuck at home every night. Wrigley gets neutered.

June and July are a blur as we get Laura ready for college and us for our new empty nest status. I decide to start a blog about becoming an 'emtnester' and to help out with our financial situation. Look out Heather at Dooce, here I come! Wrigley is delirious and crazy most of the time. He likes to chase and capture his own tail.

In August my blog goes live and I write my first story about Bill penetrating only to find out later its best not to discuss sex with your husband on your blog. I leave it up because I like the story. Wrigley has 'puppy mush' and has to re-learn all the commands he perfected months ago.

I have severe withdraws from my children who are all back at school or working and miss them terribly but it gets unnoticed as Bill's company goes into Chapter 11 in September. Bill and me play 'The Crying Game'. Wrigley takes his afternoon naps in my office and likes to rest his head on Bill's feet at night.

We suspect that all wine companies have reduced the size of their bottle by 25%, or something like that, as we find we have finished the first bottle before we even get to the second course in dinner, in October. Wrigley 'counter surfs' during the dinner hour when we are (oblivious), not paying attention.

We learned in November that while there are actually 3 whole numbers between # 7 and # 11, they are actually very close and very similar when it comes to bankruptcies. We study all the homes for sale in our area. Wrigley stops chewing on the baseboards in the hallway.

Which brings us to the magical month of December and holiday festivities. We'll know whether Bill has a job, whether I will be getting a new job and learning how to blog while working. But we'll be enjoying this together, and my children will be home for the holidays bringing their spirit and their joy of their lives back to their empty nest parents. And we'll find time and money to give to those less fortunate than ourselves and remember what the true meaning of Christmas is all about after all. Wrigley's holiday stocking is filled with biscuits on the mantel. He is sitting, waiting, dropping, leaving it, staying and not jumping up for the biscuits, just like the perfect dog we all have come to know and love!

Merry Christmas to all and may next year be.....well....different!

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

The joys of the times! Like I told my 13 y/o when he commented on how lucky the millionaire kids were on a show we watched last night, "It could be better, but let's remember to appreciate how better it is for us than for the vast majority out there."

December 4, 2008 at 2:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Beth, just saw an article on TV about food and drink makers are shrinking containers but keep the price the same. This commentator feels like is a sneaky way of raising prices. Go Red Sox. Frank

December 4, 2008 at 3:47 PM  
Blogger Sprite's Keeper said...

Hi there! Welcome back! Great spin, although I'm sorry for the way it's been going. The economy is just chipping away at everything we do and are these days, but your humor is dead on. At least Wrigley has his bisquits! You're linked!

December 4, 2008 at 7:42 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

This is so original, witty, and funny. Yet, I know you're trying to make the best of what's happened. I really think all will be well, but the transition (not unlike childbirth) will be a bit painful. Hang in there!

December 4, 2008 at 8:17 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

I so enjoy your otulook! And yes, next year WILL be different.
The chocolates are to die for!!

December 5, 2008 at 10:21 AM  
Blogger Casey said...

Great spin! Sorry you guys have had such a bad year financially but that Wrigley sounds like a great cheerer-upper. Oh, and I clicked over to the penetration link and oh my goodness. I'm blushing here, and I don't blush!

December 5, 2008 at 10:30 PM  
Blogger Raf said...

AND THROUGH IT ALL you have maintained your glorious wit and humour! hehe here's to a smashtastic and awesome year in 2009, beth =)

ps. i loved the part about how being broke was such a turn-on hehe! its 8.30am on a sunday morning in SG and i'm already laughing, thanks!

December 6, 2008 at 7:30 PM  
Blogger Warner said...


I truly admire your intrepid spirit - what would it be like without our faith? There's a purpose for everything under the sun, and we're ALL discovering ours, some sooner than later. You're the best! Lots of love . . .

December 8, 2008 at 10:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well Beth, here's what I do when our money situation looks bleak... I feng shui my house. I get rid of all the "stuff" we don't really need and donate it. In order to make room to bring in the new, you need to get rid of the old. Then put something red or something that symbolizes wealth in the left most corner of your house. I swear it works and if it doesn't..go shoe shopping. It will not help your financial situation BUT I guarantee you will feel better:)

December 9, 2008 at 11:14 PM  

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