There is no better day than Friday the 13th in the Southworth house. And a March 13th on a Friday has even more special meaning. As it was this day seventeen years ago that Bill took a chance with the single, divorced older lady that also happened to have three small children.

I should start back 18 years ago when I first met Bill. We met at an after hour work event/happy hour. He was roommates with our marketing director and was invited to join us for a few drinks. As luck would have it, the only available seat left was the one next to me. He started to tell me a fantastic story about what was going on at his workplace. He was interesting and paying attention to me. Now, while two years have lapsed since my divorce to my first husband (also a Bill), I hadn't been out of the house much. Having a one year old, and a 3 and 5 year old can really cramp your style, if you know what I mean. But I also had a great divorce. Bill # 1 took the children every other weekend and one night a week. He was always wonderful to the kids and even if he hadn't been that way, that was the "story" was I had planned to write for my family. I was not prepared to give up my fairy tale life even if that life had a very different ending.

Midway through the evening, Bill #2 and I were still engrossed in conversation but another woman in our office had set her sights on this Bill and was giving me the evil eye. I took notice and (gave-up) said my good-nights and left. I had a babysitter to pay.

Skip forward one full year: It was late in a local "Cheers-like" bar in Scottsdale. I was there with a girlfriend for a charity event. Sounds noble and all, but actually we were closing the bar and the charity had ended hours earlier. And there he was, exiting the bar at the exact same time! It was if one whole year had never occurred and we struck up a conversation. He told me that a big group of people were planning to go skiing in northern Arizona next weekend and would I like to go. (Think fast, Beth....is it Bill #1's weekend? Yes, thank goodness!) I calmly said "yes" while trying to hold the poop in my pants. (Not really)

As the week went on, Bill called me several times. First, Bruce and Maureen cancelled. Then Shawn and date backed out. Finally, two other couples told Bill they couldn't come because their babies were feeling ill. Talk about awkward. We are heading up on a first date, all by ourselves on a ski weekend. Now I had not spoken to many male adults for two years and now I had to come up with stimulating conversation for the 4 hour drive to the mountains, then stay in a huge condominium with a guy I barely knew. And to top it off it was March 13th...Friday the 13th!

All my worries dissolved as I took on a "what-the-hell" attitude and relaxed. We stopped on the trip and played pool and ate gigantic cheeseburgers at some local joint along the way. We skied all day and had fun, fantastic evenings (what?...you thought I'd tell you all the details!!) Bill brought some of the best wine I have ever had on the trip and to this day, we enjoy drinking lots of wine.

Well, I am here to say thank you to Bill (and all the other partners out there) who take a chance and date someone that may not seem like the perfect mate. After dating for 13 years, we finally got married, in Hawaii. Aloha Friday seems just so appropriate. Here's to the next 17 years!

Create a "Wish List" With Your Partner to Improve the Marriage

As if it's not scary enough this month, (as my husband's company is hopefully finalizing the Chapter 11 paperwork with the court this month), Google Adsense has chosen the ads for my site to all be about trying to sell your foreclosed home! The theme for all NaBloPoMo writers for the month of March is about Giving (Up), so I may start writing about the giving aspects of life and end this month with all the things we will be giving up if the company ends up with a Chapter 7 status instead! I am only thinking positive thoughts right now.

Anyone who has gone through a restructuring of a company knows how difficult it can be: technically and emotionally. For the past year to a year and a half, Bill has along with his co-workers, worked so very hard to make this thing work for all parties who are involved. It has been very emotional, too, because they all get along like a very close family....no, they are a family. Because of what Bill is going through, I don't expect much of anything from him on the home front. Such was not the case when we were thinking about getting married................

We had been dating for quite awhile and were thinking about getting married and we decided to make a list of the things that we wished the other person would do for them, the goal being to strengthen the relationship and maybe results in a great marriage. We gave ourselves a week to put it together and set a time to switch lists with each other. It was a very telling exercise for us and I would recommend that you and your partner make "Wish Lists" if you have not done so already. But, let me warn you, too. What you get back from your partner may not be pleasant or what you expect it to be. Case in point:

My Wish List, for Bill:

(abbreviated for this post as it had over 280 points to it!)

1. Always make me feel like I am the number one person in your life. I don't care how nice you are to other women just as long as I know and they know who's number one in your life. (Yes, all my points were long-winded!).

2. I would like you to give me 3 compliments a day.

3. Please call me when you are going to be coming home later than usual from work.

4. Hug me when you come in the door.

5. Understand that it is hard when you criticize the kids' behavior and not just because they came from my first marriage. I am just touchy and protective with them.

6. Be honest and talkative when I ask you a loaded question, such as, "Do I look fat in these jeans"? But never say I look "fine". That would is like death to me.

skipping a few hundred points.........................

255. Encourage me to exercise when I'd rather sit and watch TV and eat a pizza.

256. When I challenge you on something, don't just give up because you do not like controversy. It can sometimes be fun to debate and argue about various topics.

Blah, blah, blah! After typing some of my list for this post, I cannot help but ask the question:

Why the hell did Bill go through with the marriage?! I would think he would have run, not walked away from this needy, insecure and wordy girlfriend!

Bill's Wish List, for me:

(in totality)

1. Remind me to wear sunscreen.

2. Give him back rubs occasionally.

3. Please be respectful of the way I do things, especially when they differ from the way you do things.

That was it! Either, I am pretty perfect (I prefer this choice), husbands may not take this exercise seriously or some of us just write differently. And I think men and women do this kind of exercise with a completely different approach. It doesn't matter, because I pull this folded-up list out weekly from my top dresser drawer, read his wish list and make sure that each week all 3 points are well taken care of. Giving my husband exactly what he wished for just feels right and I know he appreciates the effort.

Why don't you and your partner find time to make wish lists for each other this weekend. It might even be fun!

(All the photos have been provided by my daughter from her Flickr site).

Give the Ultimate Gift: The 'Once Around'

The # 8 suggestion of perfect Valentine's Day gifts is also my story on "Love" in Sprites Keeper's 'Spin Cycle'. Make sure you head over to her site to read some wonderful stories on the topic of love.

I always feel sorry for men around the Valentine's Day holiday as most advertisers target them to purchase something for their partners. But we women often feel the pressure to get something for our partners as well. Maybe it's that hard-to-dinner or cute teddy bear purchase (yuck), or as in my case ten years ago, the extraordinary sexual favor.

Valentine's Day was on a Thursday this particular year and our office was planning to close an hour early, presumably so that everyone could get their gift or make that dinner for our loved one. A group of women in the office chose to eat in the office kitchen that day because of our heavy workloads and the early dismissal. Now, as women often do, we started to discuss what we were going to give our partners and guess what the guys were going to get us. We were a group of slackers as most of us hadn't thought of a single clever present to give.

The young receptionist saw this cute purple bear with a heart that said, "Be my Baby" and thought her boyfriend would like that. We decided only a 20-something with a body like hers could get away with giving such a lame present. Then, our marketing manager, Nadine, spoke up. I'm thinking....oh no, here goes. There's one 'Nadine' in every office. She's the type that's ahead of the curve, cutting edge so to speak when it comes to men and the affairs of the heart. Our 'Nadine' was from California and knew things the rest of us could only dream about. We listened to her words very carefully:

"You could always try the extraordinary sexual favor tonight. Why don't you give the 'once around'". We act cool. No one speaks, but to protect the naive group, I speak up. "Oh yeah, the 'once around', what is that again"? She's of course on to us. She has us right where she wants us. Nadine likes educating her students.

Nadine starts to explain that this maneuver takes some physical agility but she never has any trouble performing it. In vivid detail she explains how the women mounts her partner, then she spins once around in a clockwise motion. I want to take notes but decide it might look stupid if I taped instructions onto the headboard that night, so I try to picture the motion in my head instead.

"So, you just sit on your man's special part and spin around", I say, like I totally get it. "No, you are thinking of the helicopter". Right.... "This move is much harder to do right but more pleasurable for both parties involved", Nadine explains. "You must start and end in the missionary position". We all smile; we know that one!

The day's over and I rush to the grocery store. I don't feel like cooking a 5-course meal, so I get two steaks, two twice-baked potatoes, a ready-made salad and a bottle of champagne. I passed by the display of ugly teddy bears. Tonight, I will attempt the 'once around' for my partner!

As I am cooking, I find the song 'Fly Me To The Moon' to play on the stereo and start to giggle. Bill looks at me quizzically. He knows me well enough at this time in our relationship, that I've got something up my sleeve. Why that song? There is a great movie called "Once Around" and they play that song several times throughout the show. I think I'm so clever. But I'm nervous, too. What if I f**k it up? I use my nervousness as the primary excuse for the two cocktails before the dinner and champagne.

Several hours later, Bill gives me my present and it's lovely and I give him a big thank you hug. "Now, follow me, as I have a little something for you, too". Champagne makes it sooooo much easier to say such things with authority; I highly recommend drinking lots of the bubbly!

As I undress, I think to myself should I tell him I am going to do this amazing act on him or just do it? Why didn't Nadine tell us how to start?! I decide to just relax and have some fun.

Once in position and all "things" are tight and in place, I say, "okay, now I'm going to do the once around" in my sexiest voice I can muster, placing my hands in the starting position. I push off and spin in the correct direction only to hit the wrought iron bedpost at the bottom of the bed squarely in my forehead.

Note to self: Start in very middle of the bed. Best to use a bed without posts!

We start laughing hysterically because being drunk on champagne makes you think ramming into metal is funny. But, we are not quitters. I move him to the middle and start over. I give a bigger push off and make it 180 degrees and land on his feet.

Note to self: Ask your partner to point his toes so you can glide past with ease!

"How did you think of this move, Beth"? I think of Nadine and how she said she spins around with ease. "Maybe it can't work", he says with this big ole grin on his face.

I pull his toes in a pointing position, remount and take a big breath and push off like the Apollo 13. In driving school language I make it to the "10" position, but then continue straight off course and onto the floor. (Things can get a little slippery when wet). We are laughing so hard that it hurts. I can't manage to get myself untangled and off the floor.

Like a gallant knight with shiny armour, he lifts me from the floor and places me on his shiny armour (hee hee). We aren't messing around anymore. Determination and will power has set in for the both of us. He places his hands on my shoulders and assists with the push off. His toes are pointed and a glide past the feet and continue around, making sure to lift my body just enough to stay "on" and land facing my partner who's smiling ear to ear. WE DID IT! We are sexual animals, YES. We collapse in each other arms as somewhere in the middle of this ordeal, we both had come and were exhausted. There's a good reason this is called the 'Once Around'.

Best. Valentine's. Day. ever.

Whatever you decide to give to your loved one, make sure to remember to relax and have some fun. We are lucky to have such wonderful relationships in our lives after all. Good luck.