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Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Create a "Wish List" With Your Partner to Improve the Marriage

As if it's not scary enough this month, (as my husband's company is hopefully finalizing the Chapter 11 paperwork with the court this month), Google Adsense has chosen the ads for my site to all be about trying to sell your foreclosed home! The theme for all NaBloPoMo writers for the month of March is about Giving (Up), so I may start writing about the giving aspects of life and end this month with all the things we will be giving up if the company ends up with a Chapter 7 status instead! I am only thinking positive thoughts right now.

Anyone who has gone through a restructuring of a company knows how difficult it can be: technically and emotionally. For the past year to a year and a half, Bill has along with his co-workers, worked so very hard to make this thing work for all parties who are involved. It has been very emotional, too, because they all get along like a very close, they are a family. Because of what Bill is going through, I don't expect much of anything from him on the home front. Such was not the case when we were thinking about getting married................

We had been dating for quite awhile and were thinking about getting married and we decided to make a list of the things that we wished the other person would do for them, the goal being to strengthen the relationship and maybe results in a great marriage. We gave ourselves a week to put it together and set a time to switch lists with each other. It was a very telling exercise for us and I would recommend that you and your partner make "Wish Lists" if you have not done so already. But, let me warn you, too. What you get back from your partner may not be pleasant or what you expect it to be. Case in point:

My Wish List, for Bill:

(abbreviated for this post as it had over 280 points to it!)

1. Always make me feel like I am the number one person in your life. I don't care how nice you are to other women just as long as I know and they know who's number one in your life. (Yes, all my points were long-winded!).

2. I would like you to give me 3 compliments a day.

3. Please call me when you are going to be coming home later than usual from work.

4. Hug me when you come in the door.

5. Understand that it is hard when you criticize the kids' behavior and not just because they came from my first marriage. I am just touchy and protective with them.

6. Be honest and talkative when I ask you a loaded question, such as, "Do I look fat in these jeans"? But never say I look "fine". That would is like death to me.

skipping a few hundred points.........................

255. Encourage me to exercise when I'd rather sit and watch TV and eat a pizza.

256. When I challenge you on something, don't just give up because you do not like controversy. It can sometimes be fun to debate and argue about various topics.

Blah, blah, blah! After typing some of my list for this post, I cannot help but ask the question:

Why the hell did Bill go through with the marriage?! I would think he would have run, not walked away from this needy, insecure and wordy girlfriend!

Bill's Wish List, for me:

(in totality)

1. Remind me to wear sunscreen.

2. Give him back rubs occasionally.

3. Please be respectful of the way I do things, especially when they differ from the way you do things.

That was it! Either, I am pretty perfect (I prefer this choice), husbands may not take this exercise seriously or some of us just write differently. And I think men and women do this kind of exercise with a completely different approach. It doesn't matter, because I pull this folded-up list out weekly from my top dresser drawer, read his wish list and make sure that each week all 3 points are well taken care of. Giving my husband exactly what he wished for just feels right and I know he appreciates the effort.

Why don't you and your partner find time to make wish lists for each other this weekend. It might even be fun!

(All the photos have been provided by my daughter from her Flickr site).

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Blogger Casey said...

Great idea. My first item on the list will be to make a list.

I like #5 and 255 on yours....

March 4, 2009 at 11:11 PM  
Blogger Casey said...

And BTW, you're not needy.. it's smart to hash things out up front. Jamie and I did and we're in the most stable, loving relationship (compared to everyone I know who fight constantly).

March 4, 2009 at 11:12 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

I like the list idea - still think it is worth doing after 25 years of marriage??

March 5, 2009 at 9:47 AM  
Anonymous Frank said...

I bet my wife would doing this list thing this weekend!

March 5, 2009 at 11:49 AM  
Anonymous Nicole "The Card Eagle" Bandes said...

I think men just need less than women. When I ask my hubby what he loves about me, it usually is limited to a comment about sex. Now I know there are WAY more things he loves about me. He just happens to be a man and that's the way they think.

That being said, I'm not sure there would be much on my list for him because he already does so many wonderful things for me.

March 5, 2009 at 4:23 PM  

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