Life Moves Past You

I leave tomorrow for my middle son's college graduation and I can't seem to pack. I cannot decide what to wear. I can't seem to be prepared for this momentous occasion. It's as if I am saying that if I am not ready then it won't happen. Which is crazy talk even for an empty nest Mom.

And why don't I want it to happen? I am thrilled he is graduating, so it's not that. I think that life keeps moving by me (past me?) and I feel I have no control over anything anymore. He's moving on to his first job in Columbus, Ohio. I get to see him for three days and then who knows when I'll see him next. I really enjoy being around him as he makes me feel good. He makes me laugh. He reminds that I am a good Mom and that is something I need right now. Validation.

Really, all three of my children validate my existence very well. Of course, I have my own life: working, being Bill's wife, sister to my sister, daughter to my Mom, slave to my dog (just kidding). But I think the Mom part has been perhaps the largest and most important part for many years. This is one of those big transitions and I am off-the-chart emotional right now.

I wish I had the kind of relationship with my husband where he "fills the void", but that's just not how we work together. If I told him that I was having trouble packing...etc...he would look at me cross-eyed and not have a clue that a big hug would be in order. Or say, "why don't we grab a beer and pack together tonight!".

So, the pictures from graduation will show me in unmatched outfits, the wrong jewelry and inappropriate shoes and there's nothing I can about it. Maybe someday I will sit back, look at these pictures and laugh hysterically.

Here goes nothing...