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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Life Moves Past You

I leave tomorrow for my middle son's college graduation and I can't seem to pack. I cannot decide what to wear. I can't seem to be prepared for this momentous occasion. It's as if I am saying that if I am not ready then it won't happen. Which is crazy talk even for an empty nest Mom.

And why don't I want it to happen? I am thrilled he is graduating, so it's not that. I think that life keeps moving by me (past me?) and I feel I have no control over anything anymore. He's moving on to his first job in Columbus, Ohio. I get to see him for three days and then who knows when I'll see him next. I really enjoy being around him as he makes me feel good. He makes me laugh. He reminds that I am a good Mom and that is something I need right now. Validation.

Really, all three of my children validate my existence very well. Of course, I have my own life: working, being Bill's wife, sister to my sister, daughter to my Mom, slave to my dog (just kidding). But I think the Mom part has been perhaps the largest and most important part for many years. This is one of those big transitions and I am off-the-chart emotional right now.

I wish I had the kind of relationship with my husband where he "fills the void", but that's just not how we work together. If I told him that I was having trouble packing...etc...he would look at me cross-eyed and not have a clue that a big hug would be in order. Or say, "why don't we grab a beer and pack together tonight!".

So, the pictures from graduation will show me in unmatched outfits, the wrong jewelry and inappropriate shoes and there's nothing I can about it. Maybe someday I will sit back, look at these pictures and laugh hysterically.

Here goes nothing...

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7 Comments:

Blogger Casey said...

Aww, I'm sending you an ehug, I hope you got it.

It must be hard to see your life (and your son's) moving on but next up is being the mother of the groom and then the grandmother. My parents have stepped into that role and I'm pretty sure it's their favorite one ever. Not that you're old enough to be a grandma, just that there are good things to come... ;) Have fun in your mismatched digs.

May 6, 2009 at 7:08 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

Have a great trip! If you had returned my call last night, I would have come over and helped you pack - beers in hand!!!

May 7, 2009 at 6:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I never thought about your children validating your existence. I need to ponder that. Off hand I like that...

May 7, 2009 at 7:33 AM  
Anonymous zelzee said...

I was exactly where you are and I can relate.

I miss the "life" my home once had with kids running in and out, their friends stopping over at any hour, the noise, the phones ringing..........
But, you survive.......quietly.

May 8, 2009 at 10:48 AM  
Blogger OLLIE MCKAY'S ~ A Chic Boutique said...

Have a HAPPY HAPPY Mother's Day!

May 8, 2009 at 7:25 PM  
Blogger Raf said...

its mother's day here in singapore but i'm not sure if its the same over there in arizona, but still i'd like to wish you HAPPY MOTHERS DAY, dear beth!!! =)

May 9, 2009 at 10:09 PM  
OpenID gigidiaz said...

Hey there. First time visitor from HASAY. This is such a nice post. I wonder if my mom will feel the same way once I graduate and move out. I've never stopped to think about how something so awesome as graduating would affect parents.

Thanks for sharing.

May 31, 2009 at 8:35 PM  

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