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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Just One of Those Days

Okay, today is one of those days I knew would happen once my kids were gone and I was an official empty nester. I thought, "I'll start a blog and just write the words that explain what and how I am feeling which might, in turn, produce helpful comments from insightful readers". The problem is, on days like these, the words don't come together like they're supposed to. I imagine it starts with the stars and the moon not lining up properly or some crazy notion like that. So, I am apologizing in advance for the piss-poor writing that is about to occur.

Number One: I miss my kids! I miss the noise. I miss JB singing loudly to some awful song. I miss Andy arguing with me about something he supposedly already told me. I miss the boys teasing Laura and quizzing her ("Who's' Elliot Spitzer?") and laughing at some of the crazy answers that would come out of her mouth ("Is he that preacher on TV?"). I miss them calling "shotgun" every single day to determine who gets to ride in the front seat of the car. I miss them complaining that the chicken is dry but the mashed potatoes are the best ever. I miss looking in and complaining about their messy rooms and how I told them I was afraid if we ever had a fire, they might not get out due to tripping over the clothes on the floor. I miss feeling needed (mostly for money for t-shirts, school pizza parties, for team training fees). But also being needed when a girl broke up with them or they were worried about getting good enough grades to get into a good college. I miss the 30-minute period prior to getting into the car to attend Church (Mom screaming: you are not wearing that, I don't care that Karla can wear short jean skirts, I don 't care if you are sooooo tired and stayed out too late last night, GET UP!, etc), but then walking into the Church looking like the perfect well-behaved family. I miss the physical touch from my kids. Andy's fish-kiss, JB's bear hug and Laura's snuggling on the couch.

Number Two: What to do about all these feelings?

On days like these, I have no good ideas. I don't feel like transferring that love and affection to my puppy today. He doesn't feel like it either. He wants to run away on our morning walk, get into the Halloween candy I have sitting on the table not being eaten by anyone and dig up the grass in the backyard.

My husband is having one of the most difficult weeks of his entire career and coddling me is just about the furthest thing from his mind.

I do a presentation tomorrow with my networking group and I need to get that ready, so I might spend some time on it.

I never FEEL like cleaning the house.

A 'nooner' doesn't sound half bad.

I leave you with a simple plea: as a reader of this post, guide me through this lonely day. Share your thoughts. Point me in the right direction. Tell me a joke to get my mind off my special grown-up kids.

But it is one of those days and so probably there will not be anyone commenting on my blog today either!

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Anonymous Tina said...

To One Empty Nester from a Soon To Be Empty Nester If Our House Ever Sells: I hear ya and I'm not particularly looking forward to it myself. Most days. It's hard to find your giddy-up when the horses have left the barn, isn't it? I don't have any suggestions for you, but want you to know you've been heard and I'm sorry you're having a rough day.

October 14, 2008 at 2:23 PM  
Blogger dhash said...

Today stinks, I agree. What we need is 3 days in Vegas to forget all about this week. Hope you day gets better. I racked my brain for a joke. I only came up with one. I heard this at a poker table in Vegas. What do you call a hispanic guy with rubber toes? ....... Reberto

Maybe that will help. It did make 9 people laugh while playing poker, then again it was 3am and we were all drinking

October 14, 2008 at 3:34 PM  
Anonymous Nicole Bandes, The Card Eagle said...

Ok, how about the rude awakening of a parent to two 13 y/o's...


Trust me, all that silence is a good thing. It has to be. At least you aren't having thoughts of killing the kids, right?

October 14, 2008 at 8:55 PM  
Blogger The Stiletto Mom said...

Oh Beth....I feel for you. Not that I am even remotely there, but I dread the day I am an empty nester as well.
Remember this on days like today, you are a very, VERY, funny woman. I love reading your posts and if you don't feel like being funny and cute one day? That's okay too...take a day off, have a massage, a nooner, whatever. We will still be here when you get back.
And your kids? Sound really fabulous. I hope someday to be able to say the same about mine and the things I miss when they are gone. Now, I must go get kleenex at the thought of ten years from now when that day comes...
You are awesome.

October 14, 2008 at 11:19 PM  
Anonymous Dina said...

Oh, I can soo relate. When my daughter first went off to boarding school, I literally searched the house for her. I'd wander around looking in the rooms until I realized she was 'missing'. Smart girl. She prepared me well for college. She was home for her first weekend last week and yep the house seems quiet.

How do I cope? Distractions! Cooking complex, multi-stage gourmet meals for dinner. Turning her bedroom into my TV lounge (but that's for another post). Writing my blog, which I hope will grow into a small business.

Mainly, I spend time designing the life I want to have and figuring out the next step. Good to know I'm not alone with my blues.

Thanks, Dina

October 15, 2008 at 10:23 AM  
Blogger gettingraphic design said...

I thought about how i could comment and came up with nothing, so I asked my wife, her answer GO SHOPPING. Go buy that pair of shoes you tried on last week, do something for yourself, it always makes my her feel better.

October 15, 2008 at 3:31 PM  
Blogger Warner said...

You are not alone! You have many friends and admirers who are here to support you and walk down the road with you. So, courage! It always works out in the end . . .

October 15, 2008 at 7:41 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

I sat at my computer reading your blog, crying! Maybe it is because I feel like I really know you, and your family. I am priveledged to call you my friend!
By the way, your Spot presentation was wonderful!
Hugs. . .

October 16, 2008 at 12:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you have a big project you've wanted to tackle? This would be a great time to do it. I started redoing Soldier Son's room (he's coming back from Iraq next month) and with all the wallpaper stripping, cleaning, painting, etc. I have no time to feel lonely.

October 16, 2008 at 1:02 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

How about this one: I'm missing my kids, as I have been for a while now. But now I'm missing my granddaughter, too! She left for Virginia with my daughter and son-in-law in June, to take care of his mom. So, all of a sudden Halloween is here. I've taken her Trick-or-Treating since she learned to walk (come to think of it, BEFORE she learned to walk)!
Now there's this void: what the hell do we do on Halloween? I'm playing at a party on Nov 1st, which was originally scheduled for Oct 31st, which would have been great! Rose was going to come with me, and we'd be occupied for the night.

Now I guess we'll do what the rest of the old farts do: hand out candy and say "How cute!" to all of the other people's kiddies. Which is a constant reminder that ours are grown.

Ugh! Maybe we'll go to the movies . . .

October 17, 2008 at 9:15 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

Your thoughts echo mine! Calling "shotgun" was a regular expression in our car. It's eerily quiet in my home these days! I crave solitude, but this is a bit much. I hope I adapt!

October 19, 2008 at 7:50 PM  
Blogger Julie!! said...

Nicole Bandes... You will miss this. I think that all of those moms that are thinking about killing theyre little baby kids, should listen to the song You're Gonna miss this by Trace Adkins. Beth, I think that you would agree with me here that it completely sums up the way you feel... Am i right? Everytime I'm having one of these days i listen to this song and take a nice long cry. Then I watch Radio, a very sad movie so when my husband comes home he doesnt think something's gone wrong.

October 19, 2008 at 10:02 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

Julie: You are 100% correct. You're gonna Miss This is a great song. Another good country song on the same topic is Then They Do - I used it behind a power-point show of photographs at my middle-daughter's wedding, and there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Then we danced to Butterfly Kisses!
Some great songs out there. Just remember, though, when they leave and don't come back, it means we did something right, as much as we'd like to have them there . . .

October 21, 2008 at 12:41 AM  

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